QUESTION OF THE WEEK



Do you ever think,
"I feel like such a phony. If people really knew the real me they would be ______".

Tonight, I attended a leadership class and throughout the entire session I felt like such a fraud and phony. Leader? I looked at the other students all of whom I know and thought..''now they are true leaders. What am I doing here? Why was I selected?"

Perhaps in the past I was a good leader but now? As a child and even up through adulthood I was always a leader. President of my 4th grade class and then President of the entire elementary school in 5th grade is where my memories begin performing in leadership positions. My parents were strong leaders in the community. My father is 91 years old and still leading.

 I can act the part and do the right things for the right people but if they really knew some things about me they would be shocked.  I guess we all have secrets.  No I am not living in sin but I do have things that cause me personal and deep shame.  Yes I am good person. I love others and do my best to do the right things according to the guidelines mapped out for me according to the Kingdom of God. I take care of my dad. I pay my bills although some late.  Leader?  I even lead a ministry team. Leader? I just feel like a fraud after all that we learned tonight in class. I am soooooooooooooooo very imperfect. Well no one except the Lord is perfect so let me change that.  I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooo far from a level of excellence.  I do many things but I do nothing really well or with utmost excellence.

If people really knew me the way I know me. The thought of that happening actually makes me feel so anxious. Even writing this I was thinking to myself..."you better put on that mask that says "you have strong self esteem and are very confident."  Don't even hint that you are not the person you try to portray."

So, that is the question of the week. Do you have any comments or am I the only one who ever feels this way? I hope tomorrow I feel differently. I can be fickle like that.

Patrice